New cities are frightening and confusing, without a doubt, but really, everywhere is mostly the same. We watch the same TV, buy the same shit in stores. Everywhere has stoplights and poor people. You feel bad in the living room, get up, go to the refrigerator, feel bad in the kitchen. The houses I clean all have little towers to hold their toothbrushes in. Everybody’s got a goddamn vase and a picture frame on the wall. Half of you are halfway through a jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table, big deal. Weather makes a difference some, but not too much. Even if you’ve never seen snow, you’ve heard about it.
Not to be a total downer. There’s nothing wrong with everything being the same everywhere. There’s nothing wrong with anything.
Speaking of television. Last week I started watching the Bachelor on hulu. If you’re judging me, back off, I have my reasons. You don’t need me to tell you that the people on these shows are shallow monsters, unimaginably stupid and probably actors ad-libbing a script. This is the show’s 17th season; the scholarship has been done.
Again, who knows if he’s for real or not, but I’m struck by the bachelor, Sean, how dopey and sincere he seems to be about finding his wife out of a pool of 25 sluts on network television. He seems to be a man with no interests or preferences, so inevitably he falls in love with all the women. He’s like a bird who has tumbled out of the nest and thinks every object he sees is his mother. I went ahead and transcribed some clips.
SEAN: I know you said you're an army brat, but there's so much I don't know about you, so...
LINDSAY: Yes. My parents are still together. They've been together for forever. My dad's a general in the army, so...
LINDSAY: It's crazy, you know, its awesome. But um when my parents do have that time together, they make it count.
SEAN: Yeah. I love that. I'm all about family, and it's really refreshing-
LINDSAY: You are?
SEAN: Yeah. I love family.
LINDSAY: That's awesome.
SEAN: I can't imagine how it's going to feel when I have my own kids and a wife-
LINDSAY: It's just something that I want more than anything. It's- I want more than anything to marry my best friend and have a family and just give them everything.
LINDSAY: Everything, yeah.
SEAN, TO THE CAMERA:
I was blown away by lindsay. Lindsay showed me another side that I didn't see the first night.
That is really inspiring and romantic. It must be hard to find a girl in her twenties in America interested in starting a family and having children. They are soul mates. Here’s another one.
ASHLEE: I definitely want as many children as my husband and I decide.
SEAN: I can feel the love coming from your heart and it's just so endearing.
Also, there’s a girl on the show with one arm. If you don’t know how I feel about amputees, well: I’m for them.
Until next time, friends.