1. There’s no such thing as death. There’s no shortcuts ever, right? You fall asleep here, you wake up somewhere else. No ghost has ever not regretted that time she hanged herself in the basement. Watch Faust. Read Sartre’s No Exit. Don’t be frightened, but for real, there’s no exit. 2. It hurts a lot. [...]
Tags:depression·drugs·love·sorry·weird
The house I moved into has a white picket fence around it, which is hilarious because inside we’re living out a Raymond Carver story, the early years, the stripped down Gordon Lish horror show years, but with YouTube. We listen to a lot of sad ballads on YouTube. Earlier in the week, my roommate Jesse [...]
Tags:jesse·love·music·too personal·weird
LAST NIGHT I met David Gates for dinner at the Depot around 6:30. I heard he was back in town and I wanted to talk to him about literature and maybe ask him what I should do with my life. David wrote two books in the 90s called Jernigan and Preston Falls. These books are [...]
Tags:animals·buddhism·film·love·magic·missoula·my novel·too personal·writing
Technically, I’m homeless. When kids downtown with clipboards ask me to sign their petition, I don’t have an address to write down, so it is: I am without a home. I’m not trying to shy away from the label. It’s a romantic idea, but I don’t know. I have an iPhone. My mom’s not rich, [...]
Tags:animals·austin·buddhism·love·magic·missoula·montana·portland·travel
Downtown in Missoula, Montana yesterday, a real live Native American approached me on the sidewalk. Picture the red, ruddy face, as you would expect, then add a shitload of scratches, bruises and gashes held together with medical tape. He asked what kind of money I could spare. My god, are you kidding? The spending kind. [...]
I left Michigan on Tuesday morning. There’s the blunt edge of how much my mother will miss me to deal with, but so it goes. Birds fly away. Leaving the cats tears me up even more, because they don’t understand. You can’t send a cat a text message that explains why you’re leaving them. The [...]
Everybody says that your thirties are better, and I believe them. Seems to me like the fire inside of you burns steadier, that you care less what other people think. There’s more grace to be had from knowing from experience, instead of having to act strong and guess all the time. It feels like a very [...]
Tags:detroit·dreams·love·too personal
1. Paul the Octopus picked all the winners in the 2010 World Cup! Of the final games, Paul the octopus picked 8 of 8 winners correctly. I had to look up how to do probabilities to figure out how likely that would be by random chance. .5 is the probability that the team he guesses is [...]
Weirdest thing. My throat chakra is all sorts of fucked up and I’m having a hard time communicating. Been downstairs in the lab brewing up some new life plans. I think about what a weirdo I am all the time and try often to come up with stunts to seem cool and casual and less [...]
Tags:love·not writing·sorry·too personal
1. I bought myself a kindle with all the money I don’t have. First let me digress a second. Money. If you consider my debt, I literally have none. I have less than none. Every single thing I buy puts me more in debt. I am free falling, the same as everyone I know is. [...]
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