a big bang out of buying a blanket.

I’m starving and stark raving, but nothing, nothing, will get me out of bed to make myself breakfast. I woke up with a head that felt pulled apart by horses. I made coffee. I puked up the coffee and drank some more. Like every morning, I laid in bed and looked at the Internet and re-evaluated my life.

I’ve been sick all week. Here are the places my illness has been travelling.

Monday: A tickling in my throat and persistent coughing.
Tuesday: The throat but more so, and like bubbles travelling throughout the rest of my body. A terrible ache, fever, fatigue. I had to go to work and write all my articles and event listings anyway. I felt proud of myself, and also tired.
Wednesday: A little better but still bad. It’s all in my nose and sinuses and I’m still very tired. Dumb and high in the head but not in a fun way. I took the day off.
Thursday: The nose knows. The neti pot fails to irrigate my sinus cavities.
Friday: The illness has become existential. It’s just a minor cold, nothing more, but I’m still so tired, and I have this weird strung out feeling like I took ecstasy yesterday and I’m clad in that hung over cloak I used to wear a lot. I wanted to go out and see my friends but I just couldn’t. I rewatched the heartbreaking, wonderful, poetic and tragically true DFW interview with Charlie Rose. I’m rereading The Catcher in the Rye. I drank a juicebox for grownups with three glasses of red wine inside and went to bed.
Saturday: Coffee colored vomit, but that’s the drinking. It’s still just the slight cold in my nose. Really, I’m all better.

There’s no reason to be so down; things are going really well for me. Got an email from the MacDowell Colony and they gave me a fellowship to go stay there and work on my novel this fall. I could go for up to 8 weeks but my bosses and I compromised on 4. I may live to regret that but a month of writing summer camp still sounds like a great time. I’m really, really happy and excited. I allowed myself to want this, a lot, and this time, I didn’t get hurt.

My mom loves me and is always proud of me and on my side. After I told her, she sent me this text message. It’s so charming I want to have it framed: OMG. James Baldwin wrote Giovanni’s Room at the MacDowell Colony.

Okay. I might be willing to make myself breakfast at this time, but something tasteless and Soviet, because I can’t smell anything and I’m still not interested in fun. It feels good to write and I thank you as always for reading.

5 thoughts on “a big bang out of buying a blanket.

  1. Congrats Molly. That’s serious rider cred, second only to like a pile of a 1000 reject slips.

  2. ha. Robert, that’s one of my favorite moments in the video. Me and my ex say that exact line to each other all the time. Out of nowhere, “you’re seriously asking my view on the english patient?”

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